I let myself fall in love with you,
And I let myself let you go,
These were two of the best decisions I’ve ever made .
I read this secret today at Post Secret.[www.postsecret.com]
It has been a long time, since I read something that I could actually relate well too. There has been empathy and understanding of the text, or the concept, but never an exact reflection. There never had been any expectation that something as simple as these three lines could exist so univocally and then pull so strongly at the strings of my heart, that I would quite literally, gasp out in unison.
I never thought you could make these two decisions, and then not regret either one of them.
I thought I was supposed to regret at least one of them. I had been waiting unconsciously for the regret and shame of ever having opened myself to you; either that or the pain and anguish of letting our intricately entwined lives (much like ivy) seamlessly tear apart.
Every single time that I rummaged my soul for a hint of either of these emotions, I found none. I was convinced there was something inherently wrong in the way I perceive the world, in the way I feel and respond to the happenings in my surrounding.
I was proved wrong in my theory today.
I learnt that I could hold both of these ginormous passions, and regret neither, but cherish both. Maybe not cherish the latter, but at least come to terms with it, and accept it as a part of the cliché I thought would never apply to me: Change is the only constant.
I love you, and I always will. In the way that after you sit sipping tea comfortably, having put your kids to sleep after a long day, you think of someone and wish they are just as happy as you in that moment, and maybe even more.
I love you in the way, that if I ever see you while strolling on the streets arm in arm with my husband, I might ignore having glimpsed you. On turning the corner of the street, I shall still look back and sigh with gratitude of having seen you are safe and well, with a thousand prayers sent your way from my heart.
My love shall always be strong enough to cherish every moment I spent with you, and then some more, to let those moments fall and merge with the past.
