I let myself fall in love with you,
And I let myself let you go,
These were two of the best decisions I’ve ever made .
I read this secret today at Post Secret.[www.postsecret.com]
It has been a long time, since I read something that I could actually relate well too. There has been empathy and understanding of the text, or the concept, but never an exact reflection. There never had been any expectation that something as simple as these three lines could exist so univocally and then pull so strongly at the strings of my heart, that I would quite literally, gasp out in unison.
I never thought you could make these two decisions, and then not regret either one of them.
I thought I was supposed to regret at least one of them. I had been waiting unconsciously for the regret and shame of ever having opened myself to you; either that or the pain and anguish of letting our intricately entwined lives (much like ivy) seamlessly tear apart.
Every single time that I rummaged my soul for a hint of either of these emotions, I found none. I was convinced there was something inherently wrong in the way I perceive the world, in the way I feel and respond to the happenings in my surrounding.
I was proved wrong in my theory today.
I learnt that I could hold both of these ginormous passions, and regret neither, but cherish both. Maybe not cherish the latter, but at least come to terms with it, and accept it as a part of the cliché I thought would never apply to me: Change is the only constant.
I love you, and I always will. In the way that after you sit sipping tea comfortably, having put your kids to sleep after a long day, you think of someone and wish they are just as happy as you in that moment, and maybe even more.
I love you in the way, that if I ever see you while strolling on the streets arm in arm with my husband, I might ignore having glimpsed you. On turning the corner of the street, I shall still look back and sigh with gratitude of having seen you are safe and well, with a thousand prayers sent your way from my heart.
My love shall always be strong enough to cherish every moment I spent with you, and then some more, to let those moments fall and merge with the past.
Loveliness.
ReplyDeleteThank you :)
ReplyDeletecooool ..
ReplyDeletebut i still doubt i would regret at least one of them :p
nicely written, I must say. But when you say its out of fiction and imagination, I start to doubt if it is :)
ReplyDeleteThere are so many things to talk about in this post but what made me hurt was "I love you, and I always will".
Like imagine these words coming out of your spouse for someone else, how would it make you feel; sick I guess.
I really wonder what people make up of one word just to stand tall and say 'I loved someone'. Like you said 'I love you, and I always will in the way'.... like did dictionary missed out some explanation.... And 'in the way' gives another form to the word love which is 'that after you sit sipping tea comfortably, having put your kids to sleep after a long day, you think of someone and wish they are just as happy as you in that moment, and maybe even more.'
There are as many explanations of love as many people you ask about it. Everyone has its own tailored version and I start to wonder that what happened to the imagery of love that every one knows about, talks about, thinks about before getting hurt; that imagery is almost same for every one but it changes all together after getting bruised.
Why cant we say that 'Yes, I fell in love. It was more beautiful and joyous then I even imagined. Its right that I fell in love but I fell for the wrong person. I will remember that love, not that person'. Or 'I thought it was love but no; it was not'.
I understand this is an ancient comment; I have been meaning to respond to it every time I saw it, but the truth was I had pretty much abandoned this place. Been meaning to return here now, so here goes:
DeleteI don't understand why it makes you feel hurt, Anon. You talk about love like it is meant for only one person in a particular lifetime. I disagree. I have found that it is possible to love more than one person , for more than a lifetime. It would not make me sick if i heard those words from my spouse, it would make me proud that the person with whom i am spending my life is capable of holding such love in his heart; who knows what it is to have loved.
Don't confuse the ability to love someone other than your spouse as infidelity. Some people, experiences, words stay with you forever. I won't say I "loved" someone, because it is not something that came and passed. How do you want someone to say that they still love someone, maybe not enough to want to spend the rest of their lives with them, but still love them enough to not make them a chapter in the past? how do you say you love someone enough to not be resentful , but wish them the same happiness you are experiencing? Aren't you allowed to be fond of the person who taught you so much about the most beautiful and joyous experience of your life?
Ofcourse people have tailored versions, everyone has their own experience to tailor that version from. But then again, all lovers can empathize with one another, that's the beauty of the whole thing. It is unique AND universal :)
Sometimes the love stays, and the people do too. Sometimes its not the wrong person you fell for, and it is not something else that you mistake for love.
What would you do then? Disregard it simply because it doesn't fit your notions of loyalty? :)
Postsecret is such a wonderful idea. I cannot start my Sundays without postsecret :-).
ReplyDeleteGlad you like it.
Love is the easiest and the most difficult thing but I think we can do what you suggested if we put our minds to it.
I've been following Postsecret religiously :) Thank you for the read ! :)
DeleteI loved a friend once with all my heart and i don't regret loving him. But then i had to let go off him and it nearly killed me but I had to do it and I don't regret it either. So yes, loving someone and then letting go off them without andy regrets and grudges is possible but its very rare.
ReplyDeleteZee Zoo from Memoirs of an Amnemonic Mind
Ayesha, hope you start blogging again soon.
ReplyDelete