Yeh Kia Hua?

Right now, my eyes are stinging. There wasn't a wink of sleep last night.
They are stinging so hard that i can't keep them open without tears streaking my face.

I am trying to convince myself that these are the tears of heartbreak, and not from sleep deprivation.
Just so I may have the consolation of having cried once.

I am SUCH a fool.

There were times when he used to make me cry, and I'd come back red-eyed with a tear-streaked face, and i could see tangible guilt on his face. I liked that he knew it was him, the reason of my pain, even if I were crying for nothing. It felt being worthy enough; that I managed to induce guilt in someone. Selfish, I know, but Satisfying.

Now I can't tell him that its him, that it's me who's hating him for making me love him; I'm so badly broken inside that my eyes are incapable of rendering any tears.

I hate that I love him.

--Ankhein Surmai, Surmai jaise Shaam,
Aanchal Dhaani sa, hua Badnaam;
Tinka Tinka, Raiza Raiza 
Hotey Kyun hein Aashiyan?
-------------------------------------Aashiyan?