I am Proud of you, and yes it's OKAY if you bought Jeans for yourself.

You've done a good in your life, and no you won't be damned to Hell if you wear jeans just in the house.





Words I yearn to hear from my mother's mouth.

Yeh Kia Hua?

Right now, my eyes are stinging. There wasn't a wink of sleep last night.
They are stinging so hard that i can't keep them open without tears streaking my face.

I am trying to convince myself that these are the tears of heartbreak, and not from sleep deprivation.
Just so I may have the consolation of having cried once.

I am SUCH a fool.

There were times when he used to make me cry, and I'd come back red-eyed with a tear-streaked face, and i could see tangible guilt on his face. I liked that he knew it was him, the reason of my pain, even if I were crying for nothing. It felt being worthy enough; that I managed to induce guilt in someone. Selfish, I know, but Satisfying.

Now I can't tell him that its him, that it's me who's hating him for making me love him; I'm so badly broken inside that my eyes are incapable of rendering any tears.

I hate that I love him.

--Ankhein Surmai, Surmai jaise Shaam,
Aanchal Dhaani sa, hua Badnaam;
Tinka Tinka, Raiza Raiza 
Hotey Kyun hein Aashiyan?
-------------------------------------Aashiyan?

The Office.

And it is only in office that you could expect me to blog… :D

I thank God that I got a job and saw what “Tedious, Tiring, Impossibly-Incomprehensible-for-a-woman” work men do at their workplaces. I saw men for what they really are: lying, pretentious, sitting-on-their-ass-all-day braggers.

Nothing.They do Nothing.

Workload at offices is NOTHING compared to what we are accustomed to as students, there are so many darn tea-breaks and such dry and easy-like-cake work that it doesn’t give you a rush at all. It’s like you’re working between breaks and attempts to fight off boredom.

I don’t like it.

I don’t like it when there’s no adrenaline, no excitement or expectation of success. I don’t know how they measure your performance. :(

And then I think about how our dads become the high and mighty creatures of the household because they work, Or earn the bread and butter.

Sitting on their butts all day IM-ing their mates and ordering tea and coffee is WORK.Supposedly.

And then they have the guts to come and brag about it at home. Aaarrrggghhhhhk, drives me nutting-ly mad !

I mean, you get your careers made this way, get a position in society, get your bank balances updated every month, find *a little* mental engagement to keep you sane, order people around and still manage to keep the upper hand in the house. You have no idea how tough housework is.

Yea, these are the cries of a second rate citizen in a third world,male dominated society.

And a Daughter Came Instead....

Imagine the disappointment of man who has no male heir to carry on his grand legacy into the world, no name bearer, no trace that he ever existed on the planet.
Imagine what he most pined for, a son, was given to him and then taken ruthlessly away.
Imagine the web of pain and self pity that he has knit around himself.
Imagine how incomplete and inferior he must feel, when he sees his friends and brothers nurturing that superior race as their offspring.
What Misfortune !
What Pity !


The century before you never could turn 21
Years and years he waited just watching for a son
For someone to go ahead, take the name he said
Years and years he waited and a daughter came instead


And then imagine that man, having an obedient and intelligent daughter, no less than any son.
Imagine him having a doting and dutiful wife, better than the wives of any of his mates.

Imagine that daughter fulfilling all duties and pursuing all activities that her non-existant brothers might've taken up.
Imagine her stifling all her heart's desires, trying so very hard to be the son God never intended her to be.

Imagine that wife never complaining inspite of all her husbands unfair ordeals.
Imagine her never raising her voice against anything she thought unfair, always being compliant to her husband's wishes.
Imagine her allowing him to share himself with another woman, all so he may be as blessed as other men were.
Imagine her supression.









And then, think for a moment, about the desperate life of this man who never appreciated his family, because of the one he could never get.
Imagine him being a husband to a wife who deserved so much better.
Imagine him being the man his daughter imagined the rest of the men to be like.

But that's enough for now, he should've never left you broken
He should've held you, things your father never could do
That's enough for now, he would've never left you broken
He would've held you, things your father never told you

Breathing comes in pairs
Except for twice
One begins and one's goodbye

Sixty years of sorrow he got 5 or 6 of bliss
Left my mother’s mother without so much as a kiss.

Men with inferiority complexes as huge as these should be hanged in the Square.
They are responsible for destroying personalities, and giving unnaturally low expectations to the ones they live with.
They lower their family's worth of self.

They deserve no pity. No Kindness.




Lyrics quoted from "Enough For Now" by "The Fray".

Dreading the Future.

And there are times when the dark days that are so certain to come, seem looming ahead with so many times more the speed.

I dread those days, when I no longer might be able to live my life exactly the way it is now.

I am not afraid of change. I am, however, afraid of unwelcome change . . .Change that might force me to give up everything that I hold dear to me. Love, Life, Accomplishment, Dignity, Skill, Satisfaction.... all gone in a gift, to please the future god of my existence.

Two of the Best Decisions....

I let myself fall in love with you,

And I let myself let you go,

These were two of the best decisions I’ve ever made .

I read this secret today at Post Secret.[www.postsecret.com]

It has been a long time, since I read something that I could actually relate well too. There has been empathy and understanding of the text, or the concept, but never an exact reflection. There never had been any expectation that something as simple as these three lines could exist so univocally and then pull so strongly at the strings of my heart, that I would quite literally, gasp out in unison.

I never thought you could make these two decisions, and then not regret either one of them.

I thought I was supposed to regret at least one of them. I had been waiting unconsciously for the regret and shame of ever having opened myself to you; either that or the pain and anguish of letting our intricately entwined lives (much like ivy) seamlessly tear apart.

Every single time that I rummaged my soul for a hint of either of these emotions, I found none. I was convinced there was something inherently wrong in the way I perceive the world, in the way I feel and respond to the happenings in my surrounding.

I was proved wrong in my theory today.

I learnt that I could hold both of these ginormous passions, and regret neither, but cherish both. Maybe not cherish the latter, but at least come to terms with it, and accept it as a part of the cliché I thought would never apply to me: Change is the only constant.

I love you, and I always will. In the way that after you sit sipping tea comfortably, having put your kids to sleep after a long day, you think of someone and wish they are just as happy as you in that moment, and maybe even more.

I love you in the way, that if I ever see you while strolling on the streets arm in arm with my husband, I might ignore having glimpsed you. On turning the corner of the street, I shall still look back and sigh with gratitude of having seen you are safe and well, with a thousand prayers sent your way from my heart.

My love shall always be strong enough to cherish every moment I spent with you, and then some more, to let those moments fall and merge with the past.

 [It goes unsaid that the post is fictional and the surprise at having seen that secret was only fueled by imagination here :)]